A SOFT ANSWER

For the last few months, God has had me going through the book of John, slowly. A couple of weeks ago, I read John 8:1-11. As I read it, I He gave me one of the most impactful lessons I have had in a while. It so impacted my life that I believe it is something that needs to be shared with those who read this. It is not new revelation knowledge, but a truth that often goes by the wayside as our society gets more and more lax in the ways we relate to one another.
It is not intended to create guilt or condemnation, but to inspire us to be dispensers of grace rather than dispensers of grief.

Most of you are probably familiar with the story in John 8 of the woman caught in adultery; the one the Pharisees brought to Jesus to test Him. They set her in the midst of Jesus and the men and said to Him, "Teacher, this woman was caught in adultery, in the very act. Now Moses, in the law, commanded us that such should be stoned. But what do you say?" Jesus' response was remarkable. As I read the story, I was again struck by the fact that Jesus didn't react quickly or respond to the accuser's harsh words and actions. He quietly knelt down and began to write in the sand. He finally spoke the gentle, but powerful, words, "Let him who is without sin cast the first stone." As you no doubt remember, one by one the accusers dropped their stones and walked away. Powerful! That is a lesson in itself, but the following is what God showed me and has continued to bring to my heart and mind often: Jesus' quiet response reminded me of the scripture in Proverbs that says, "A soft answer turns away wrath." I looked the verse up in Proverbs 15:1 and what I read blew me away! The wellspring of truth doesn't stop with that one verse. The passage goes on to say: "A soft(gentle) answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger. The tongue of the wise makes knowledge acceptable, but the mouth of fools pours forth foolishness. The eyes of the Lord are in every place, keeping watch on the evil and the good. A soothing(wholesome) tongue is a tree of life, but perverseness in it breaks/crushes the spirit." Proverbs 15:1-4.

I have quoted verse one often, because harsh voices have always really bothered me. Not that I never talk ugly or raise my voice, but I didn't grow up in a home in which I was yelled at or talked down to, so it is particularly hard for me to hear. But what I think doesn't matter; it is what the Lord says that matters. I have believed and often stated that no one "hears" in the heart what another says in anger and harshness. We hear with our ears, but the response is not what the one speaking is going for. Let's break down these verses. "A soft answer turns away wrath." That speaks for itself. It is not in the yelling or talking to one another like dogs that we make our point. (That is almost a laughable example because in this day and time, dogs/animals are often treated better than we treat one another!) Oh, we may get an outwardly submissive response, but the heart of the recipient is stirred to inner anger and resentment. Contrarily, when we correct with gentleness, the recipient's heart receives correction.

Verse 2 of Proverbs 15 verifies this: "The tongue of the WISE uses knowledge rightly, but the mouth of fools pours forth foolishness." We grown ups may have good and right things to say, but the WAY we say them results in one of two things: we either sound foolish and not to be respected or heard, OR we speak with the tone and words of an intelligent person and our words command respect.

Verse 3: "The eyes of the Lord are in every place, keeping watch on the evil and the good," All we say and do is noticed by God, and He is watching and hearing. The example He set time and time again through His Son was one of peace, calm, intelligence, and gentleness; not harsh, degrading, "You stupid idiot" tones. The result of that? People listened and heard what He said. Next, verse 4 is so impactful and rich: "A soothing or wholesome tongue is a TREE OF LIFE, but perversion in it BREAKS/CRUSHES the spirit." Our tongues are so powerful---we either speak life or we speak death from them. Do we, as parent, grandparents, and ambassadors of Jesus Christ, want to be taken seriously and be heard? Or do we just want to make our point and strike with the tongue of a snake, which strikes with pain and death and leaves its victims in the dirt? Talking down to others, lashing out with a loud harsh tongue, does not result in the thing we are after. If you talk to your kids(or others) in this manner, you are stirring up anger and resentment in them. As they grow older, not only will they not respect you and what you have to say, they will in turn talk to their kids in the same way. This not only goes for the way we speak to kids, but to our spouses also. Our influences on our spouses will be much more affective if we heed what God tells us in Proverbs.

I write these things, not as one who is NOT guilty, but as one who has been both the recipient AND the giver of harsh words and a "you stupid idiot" attitude. I will admit, as a grandmother, I am very defensive of children, and my heart's desire is that they are never spoken to in this way. Even more importantly, we are representatives of Jesus Christ, and as such our actions and speech should be as His. Please hear my heart. This is not to be condemning nor accusing. I simply desire that we succeed as parents, grandparents, spouses, friends---examples of His love and grace. Just like the Pharisees who could not throw the first stone, not one of us is without guilt in this, if we are totally honest. My hope is that we each seek God and ask HIM where we fall as "life givers, or life crushers."
"Death and life are in the power of the tongue. And those who love it will eat of its fruit." Proverbs 18:21. God help us become life givers. He will, as we lean on Him for change and help.